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QUESTION… I feel totally empty inside, as if a part of me has died, even though my life is really good. I am happily married, with two wonderful children. A few years ago we moved to a new town due to my being offered a great job opportunity there. It was a fantastic time for me and it felt as if all my dreams were coming true – I had the job I loved and we could afford to buy a lovely house. But after a while we noticed that the children did not like their new school and they longed for their old hometown.

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Six months ago we decided to move back and I feel peaceful with our decision. The kids are much happier and it is as if they now can blossom. At the same time I feel as if all the energy has been drained out of me. When we moved back, I had to give up my dream and I now feel lost. I don’t really know what I want or what I should do. The first move was due to me, which I feel was selfish of me, and now I am scared of making another decision that might affect the children negatively. When I wake up in the morning it feels as if my mind is being clouded by a dark fog and all I can see is confusion in my future. I don’t want to take antidepressants as I intuitively feel that I am undergoing some kind of spiritual transformation; I just don’t know how to navigate through it. Please help me.

CISSI:

You write that it feels as if a part of you has died and in many ways this is true. The part of you that lived out your dream has had to let that dream go and it sounds as if you are now going through a grieving process. At the same time you know it was the right decision to return back to your old town as you can see that your children are much happier now. However, the situation has caused you to feel guilty as you think you were the sole cause of the original move.

 

But was the move really just because of you? Are your children and partner just co-players in your life, or is there possibly a higher intention with everything that has happened? From a higher perspective, perhaps your children needed this experience – even though it was hard for them – so they could gain beneficial insights needed for them to grow, develop and thrive in the future. You mention that they have now started to blossom. How wonderful!

 

Did you know that wild flowers are much stronger than cultivated varieties? Why is that? It is because cultivated flowers have conditions that are too perfect – they get watered regularly, are planted in fertile soil and they never have to endure a storm. Wild flowers on the other hand never know when rain may fall again and they grow very deep roots into Mother Earth in order to find the nourishment they need to survive. They also have to endure scorching heat and ravaging storms. All of this causes them to develop an inner strength which fills them with far more life energy than a cultivated flower.

 

That you feel guilty is probably something most parents can relate to, but this guilt will only block you. You did what you thought was best at the time when you accepted the job offer, and even though the situation did not turn out as you had wished, you can now see that your children are blossoming, from an inner strength, something they may not have been able to develop had you not accepted the job.

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Now that the children are rooted again in your old hometown, it is time for you to focus on yourself. What can you do now? Which new dream does your heart long to manifest? My advice here is that you do not rush this process. Instead sit with your feelings. Let them surface. Observe what they are connected to. Give yourself time to go deep into yourself, allowing this spiritual transformation to take place.

Write down your thoughts and feelings. Light a fire and then visualise how you surrender all that you have written down: your past, your old dream and everything else that you now feel ready to let go of. Empty yourself completely, and imagine how you place it all in the fire (if possible, also place what you have written in the actual fire). When you do this you may at first feel “worse” as you are going deeper into the emptiness, but have faith: it is in this emptiness that all possibilities exist. It is in this emptiness a new life and a new dream will be born.

If at times you feel that it is too hard to stay in this emptiness then move – do some physical exercise to loosen the energy that has become stuck. You may also benefit from seeing a therapist. Have the intention of loosening the blocked energy – instead of running away from the feelings that are surfacing. Big difference.

 

Adopt a daily spiritual practice where you set aside time every morning for meditation. This is sacred time where you can meet your soul. Feel how you tune inwards, to your inner sacred altar, to the part of you that is in direct connection with the divine. Then silently within yourself state everything you now want to let go of: thoughts, behaviours, feelings, judgements, criticism or confusion. Then ask God, the Goddess, the Universe – whichever name feels best for you – to help you in healing this. Then imagine opening up your crown chakra (at the top of your head) and let your mind, heart and body become filled with divine light, and feel how this light cleanses you. Tell the universe that you now want to choose peace insted of fear, that you are willing to see this differently, and that you are ready to let a higher wisdom guide and heal you. Surrender it all and then sit in this peaceful stillness for a little while, being willing to receive positive guidance from your soul.

By doing this you will start to raise the energy within your thoughts, so they become infused with a higher and lighter frequency, and you will also start to fill your inner emptiness with new light and wisdom. This in turn will allow a new dream to be born within your heart – when the time is right. Have faith that there is an incredible intelligence woven into the very fabric of the whole universe and this intelligence knows Cissi Williams is a Transformational Coach, NLP Trainer, Osteopath, Naturopath and Practitioner of Energy Medicine.

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She is passionate about helping others connect with their inner source of happiness and wellbeing, as she knows we all have the capacity to heal our mind, body and spirit. what you are meant to do. But sometimes we need time to prepare before a new life can be born, just like a baby needs time to be fully formed before it can start its journey into this new, exciting life. So give yourself this time now and have faith that all is well. Know deep within your heart that a new life for you is being formed – a new exciting adventure!

Inspire Wellbeing Magazine

Cissi Williams is a Transformational Coach, NLP Trainer, Osteopath, Naturopath and Practitioner of Energy Medicine. She is passionate about helping others connect with their inner source of happiness and wellbeing, as she knows we all have the capacity to heal our mind, body and spirit.

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